Cost of the so-called love
The wind of the severe winter is sharp, in the cold heart that be able to sneak into people. After coming off duty, the dim light of night has been already dense, I have been wrapped up in the overcoat on one's body, walk along the way, I wonder where to think of. I wonder if why, go home each time, the foot is forward, but the heart is always tearing the heel, do not let it move ahead. With marrying strongly for seven years, the daughter is six years old too, but my heart is farther and farther from this family. Wind rolls of incomplete leaf play rotary table fasten, pedestrian hurriedly, I move stupefiedly at one's side under foot.
Venus in the remotest places of distant place is high-visible in the chink among the high buildings, is just like past event, even if buried it completely in the past long, but accidentally, saw through the Xi crack of life, you will find it is just in where it is, never leave at all in other words.
Have meant assigning to a good job if after graduating from the high school, I have been admitted to a special secondary school, that days, the special secondary school graduates, live a good life. But after getting the notice, the family can not give the money that I continued reading again, at that time, it was desperate what I realize to let and too deep for tears. Bright appearance in right time at this moment. It is my classmates of high school to be bright, just graduated and worked, the family circumstances were good. With bright although three year such as schoolmate, I have dark impression any to him, except the mole by his corner of the mouth. But people this copy very, this copy a bit wooden. Bright difference people find my home, can ask me it with the elsewhere target, if is all right, their family can support me to continue going to school. So at the behest of supernatural powers, I and bright hand have been pulled to together, I achieve one's goal and enter school.
School it is quiet for life to substantiate, bright to can reach school look for I in every weekend, accompany me take, have a meal, have a walk, when dim light of night slightly dark, bright to can tear hand of me too, embrace me from the back sometimes, kiss my hair.
Remember very clearly, that is the dusk of one early winter, walk with me on a path after the school bright. With bright together, I little, two people have, put up take no have a chat, suddenly, stop tomorrow, go forward one both hands to get hold of me, say I have mouth to kiss you, then hold me in the arms, and then I feel his lip is moved in the upper reaches of my face, until reaching on my lip, this course, I am always opening eyes. This is that mine is kissed at the beginning, setting up the shadow and waving gently on the road surface, there is not a star in the remotest places at a distance, I am looking at dim all under the external dim light of night, the unusual tranquility in the heart, I suddenly realized the mole by the bright corner of the mouth, tongue that has even forgotten to tremble in one's own mouth tomorrow.
Having left and studied individually late on the first, a classmate runs to say, someone looks for you outside the classroom, I go out, a tall and big boy greets, the tense one does not dare to see my eyes, say, we act as a friend, OK, I shout bravely. I knew hereafter the brave family circumstances were well-off, father was a local famous entrepreneur.
This was called the brave boy and relieved oneself often appearance like shade in front of me hereafter, accompany me to the library, accompany me to the dining room. When I refuse, he always says, think more, I act as your friend. In this way, having really become the good friend who I kept no secrets from each other bravely, though I can still feel his blazing sight sometimes, but I only treat him as the friend, moreover, I am bright.
In this way, under bright and brave company, I spends four years of mine to study the career calmly, and lucky leaving the school to do to a teacher, is responsible for the literature and art propaganda work of the school. Meanwhile, bright family are making arrangements of the wedding, wait for my working matters to arrange, will get married at once.
At this time, but I hesitate, how long study, come down, I, and bright fewer and fewer, I think of bright embrace, tongue that tremble tomorrow, expect countless a night he sleep at my side in the future and then, I felt desperate suddenly. It is brave to phone, can accompany me?
At that night, with having a meal bravely, go to the cinema again, in the middle of this, still talk and laugh with me bravely like before, he does not know, perhaps soon, I will marry and act as the wives of people soon. Give on the road that I come back, I think he draws my hands, tears me into his chest for the first time, kiss me, lead me to leave. Not because I love bravely, but because love me bravely. This is perhaps in a sense, to him to me, is a kind of compensation.
The next day, wake up morning, sit, stand up, a long one black to take place, hang down to the front, I was touching one's own bright and clean arm, very thin ankle, one's own mood and excited of one night before thinking, I wonder that regrets or is happpy. Brave, go to look for a girl who really love you, I have to marry others. Being too selfish, I do not love you, but yearn for yours is good.
Taking the blessing of relatives and friends, brave tears, I have been married and given bright.
I and living bright in the houses of a set of two rooms which his parents get for us ready after marriage, assign very warmly. There will be steady work and income tomorrow, all of us go to work in the daytime, go home in the evening, cook together, have a meal, talk about the thing of the work, is not good at expressing bright, can see, he is very happy. But I am bitter, I do not like to be bright, do not like from the beginning. I am afraid of most that quiet night come, while caressing me tomorrow, my health is like my heart, the numb one does not have any consciousness, as he is breathing heavily when of thick air on me, I open eyes watch pitch-dark ceiling, heart still quiet, just as he, while kissing me originally.
Later on I the less like being close to me tomorrow, probably dawdled while working in the school and did all of my passion, coming back home and even losing patience to accompany and chat me tomorrow slowly, as buying me a present of joy of gambolling of tomorrow, look at the mole raising up because of smiling by his corner of the mouth, I am stingy even a kiss that express gratitude to does not have. Sometimes think, bright and really pitiful, it was better if he looked for a wife who loves him, but I am it is not lucky, and a person that does not like by oneself lives every day, he can't evoke a silk love of yours, he can't realize your fine and smooth attention, his heart of going to me unable to be deep, I several years ago was so inmature, for trivial several ten thousand tuition, I happy all one's life at I put up.
At the behest of supernatural powers, I have known strongly, is my present husband.
That participates in a friend's wedding, it was the lobby managers of hotels at that time to be strong, a suit of dark blue suits, see all guests courteous smiling, the stature is straight and handsome. I borrowed an album from the library at that time, because many people mixed the person, I'm afraid to lose or destroy, then let him look for a place to keep for me temporarily, he takes over the album, has looked through it, look up and see me, do you like Titian's picture too? I say, the need of work. He has smiled, hospitable but warm, what reason I do not know, produced a kind of unprecedented feeling to this man at the moment quickly.
Later, we on connected, I know it is better for him to ask slowly, born in a poor family, it is already a bit annual to come out to work as a temporary labourer. It is witty that his style of conversation is humorous, the life attitude is optimistic, the more important thing is, he seems to understand I think. After several talk, begin the crazy pursuit strongly, I. He says, I am that person who he has been wanting all the time, he says, the dripping wet feeling of exchanging with me and letting him have freely, he says, I make him aroused in interest most while smiling slightly. . . He sends information to me, phones, not disconnected and over on whole day, I am from resisting, refuse, get again and move, aroused in interest.
Remember it very clearly, a cafe outside the school, sit up straight strongly there, seeing me definitely, my both hands hold the cup tight, say softly, strong, I have got married. I do not lift, watch expression of him, say, say, say childhood in I just, say at how it will be I learn, say I and bright contacts, say I have, get married, talk about my despair, finally, I choke with sobs.
Stretched out both hands that hands caught me strongly suddenly, the one that became excited said, you suffered hardships, but you have a right to pursue the thing that oneself like, your sample, I want to give you happiness even more, it is happy to give to you.
What I cried for is more terrible, all swarming it in mind hurt and wrongedly quickly before do not know, moved by the strong words. On the road to come back, has kissed me strongly, I have struggled two times, when his lip has been pressed quickly, I surrender, feel one's own quickly soft wicker in March, there is nothing except the strong kiss, strong embrace in the world.
I and strong and in love.
Soon, under all people's surprised sight, I put forward to tomorrow and divorce, bright to imprison oneself whole three day into room, red swelling eyes sign in the divorce agreement finally. I tidy up one's own thing, at the moment of shutting the bright house door, I have some regret. I am sorry, bright.
The school gave us an one-storey house where teachers divided after I have lived in to, a few days later, I register, get married while being strong, strong to move over with me living together too. I know too strongly to there is not money, unable to give me very fine life now, but I believe him, just as he believes oneself too, he can unquestionably give me happy life afterwards. That period of time, life is just to dip in the honey, the sweet one lets me think, oneself was in the paradise. Strong and careful and thoughtful, after we come off duty every day, he will do the delicious meal for me, then I wash bowls to tidy up angrily. After washing and finishing gargling, we two suffer the lying in bed chatting of the head on the head, speak his plan strongly, speak his blueprint, then I will say what kind of house we will live in afterwards, baby's room should be assigned into some samples. Two people's laughing and joking making a fun for a period of time, gathered around and fell asleep finally.
The happy life which is full of me of simple and happy day like this, is just like the sponge which sucks the full water, it will dripped out at any time that happy. Dote on me strongly, ache, I, before him, I am just like a little girl who have scanty experience of life. I think sometimes, so long as there is strong love, lose all, I abuse.
But day lived taste and changed.
With the strong second year when get married, the daughter was born, the birth of this little life added countless happinesses for us, but life becomes short of money, the strong at this moment work of diction hotels, think that does the business of the clothes by oneself, we two have calculated that, so long as did not make brand clothes, on small scale at the beginning, our capital is still enough, then strong and physical and mental input has been entered, I believe him, support him too. Half a year later, beaten in a contest taking the clothes on the mountain strongly, the city which we belong to, though big, market stand in great numbers, high-middle-and-low grade clothes spread all over the whole city, it is difficult for business not to make.
Hereafter, feel blue strongly, thought that was unfair to two of our mother.
I take on into chest not being strong, head to stroke him, love he feel guilty, lower the voice comfort he, the business is earned and compensated, we are still young, it is the chance that have later.
It is a blessing my work is very steady, the family lives, child's milk power is not a question. Pass by the masterpiece boutique of the roadside sometimes, is looking at the exquisite clothes on a model, I often can think wait for future, child heavy a little, everything getting good, I sure a very confident one come into the store, the leisurely and contented one selects and buys any that I like garment.
It is a person refusing to stay idle to be strong, he always thinks he himself should make into something. Child in the two half year old, I and strong, and Chuan pick up turn on first little halls, although a hall is young, boil to persons, at less than past six every morning, we get up and tidy up and open breakfast, while almost tidying up with him, I run to go to work hurriedly, will come down in one day sometimes, two people do not have tired even strength speaking. Though the profit is very thin, the business is very good, so, will come down in half a year, stop up the hole that did business last time, our life has been getting good gradually too.
One evening, after we finished lying down, said according to the shoulder to me at the strong side, wife, work hard you, I give him a push, what it is courteous, I make good preparations for this while marrying you. Strong to say I want, turn off pieces of hall, turn on one heavy restaurant a bit, in this way could let two, mother of you, live in the large house a bit quickly again. I, it does to be no now? Besides, we hand have a lot of money closer now, heavy any restaurant turn on, we can save, have a bit right away, strong to wait for me speak attacking, coming over violent, press on me, say while kissing me, wife, try, why know that not all right do not try. . .
Finally, I agree to turn off the surface hall strongly, I do not want to obstruct his idea and method, do I think too at the same time, maybe really this time do it correctly? I have already begun to think of the equipment style of the large house. At this moment, I suddenly realized bright, bright that decorate the warm house, came back home to listen to family last time, bright to marry one good wife very now, couple and and American and American. Know bright a over one good, I feel relieved many too.
In this way, have inclined strongly, its all, after March, the restaurant is open, but everything is not like strong plan, the business is gloomy. And in March, we can not really afford to support, have to give up finally. In this way, arduous before us all earned turn having timidly.
The daughter has grown up at this moment, will go to the kindergarten, the previous good costing a sum of money too a little. I and strong quarrelling gradually at this moment.
Fail from the restaurant, has been staying at home strongly all the time, it is unwilling to do anything too not to think of. His mood has lost the limit badly too, begin to water and worry, initial with the wine, I still console him, later, the child's thing, the thing of working, the discontent to him of heart very much, make me out of more patience to this man. To him, it is looked for in a class that do a thing carefully that is afraid, is it so difficult to have? Yes, he is sad, but I, as a woman, it is difficult to be bitter with these that he receive, got married in the past few years, I had not had a presentable ornament, had never purchased the new clothes every season as other women too. We live in this bunkhouse, there is no presentable furniture, can't have a bath, without bathroom, when going to toilet on the outside bring to the daughter in the evening, my hearts are all cool.
In this way, exchanges of our couple are fewer and fewer, I begin everything of bothering about him lazy too. The touch among couple is like too there can not be in the evening, general in the customary public affair sometimes, either I deal with he, in perfunctory me he. One day, under his body, it was a mole by the corner of the mouth that appeared in the brain, I once found and the bright terrible feeling when together quickly, attacked after being long separated stupefiedly and quietly for many years in mind again. I was scared suddenly, did not I like to be strong?
One day accidentally, with meeting by chance bravely. See he maturity more and more a few years. Two people looked at each other for several seconds, then smiled.
Originally, until I get married, leave the city bravely, later, contract project of colliery under the help to have family, have made some money by oneself. The car of the house got married after having. There is a son two years old now. He touch on lightly tell me these, I listen to, appear good fortune that he pass or not while being very difficult among tone of him, it should be happy, I suppose, how is brave such a good person can be unhappy. Having sipped tea bravely, has resumed and smiled, say, I am this sample, and you, the girl?
I had a feeling that wanted to cry suddenly.
. . . . . .
Will not give a present to me bravely, say, he wanted to give a thing to me in the past, even if help him to finish a wish this time, can not postpone, he and I come to the market, after checking out, he brings the necklace on my neck personally, I have looked in the mirror, a one that fall and flash to flash under the light. Behind brave to look at I in mirror, eyes on, silly girl, I know I that order bad that year, why do not you love me. I turn head, has smiled, either that year, or you were diligent now, I did not like either. Having said a few words by oneself, all feel laughable in the heart, I am afraid what it is.
While separating finally, the one brave and in all seriousness says, the girl, in these years to me, I have felt relieved too, we are still good friends later, though can't follow you behind the buttocks everyday like while studying, but I remain that and can listen to the person who you spoke. As soon as my unexpected canthus is wet, the tears flow.
Come back home, I to strong to hide anything either, actually I and too brave to matter either, but it seems that what I thought is too simple, so strong as to break out, since he is with me, the first time it takes place to be so loud temper towards me. My brain at that time is hot, shout towards him,
What if I accept the friend's present? Do not let me accept you to buy for me.
Come out, I regret quickly, my God, how am I can be in order to talk like this strongly. My wretch very much,
Strong to become speechless because of astonishment quickly, then thump, get rid of door leave away, the daughter is frightened quickly, wail, I hurt and wronged and repent, have cried too, that evening, we mother and daughter embraced do not know either together how long to cry for.
Later, this thing became both of us' bad scar for a long time, I had explained to him, say I am not on purpose, really angry and confused at that time, I did not blame his meaning. But so long as I say, strong will say, you can not go wrong, is my incapability, I am unfair to two of your mother. At this time, heart of me like filling in ruthlessly just what, I stopping up it want to cry.
Everyone of us has no fault, is that the life is too realistic.
Two persons in love, at the beginning together, the strong love seems to let the even greater difficulty at the moment frightened so much as to retrogress too, but once the temperature of the love retreats, when true life is put before eyes, but becoming and fragility like this of relation between two people. Even if finish doing such psychological preparation before this, but the trifling test to people of actual life is made a surprise attack on by people.
I am thinking sometimes now, it was too hurried whether I considered originally, yes, why is life only the love of consideration with a simple one? After so many things, now I can not find out whether I still like to be strong, unwilling to consider using this word of the love sometimes, what a misty thing love is!, can it bear the weight of heavy life?
. . . . . .
Roadside pedlar peddle call out me among the past event. I have been wrapped up in the overcoat on one's body again, touch the selling machine, is phoned strongly. Did the daughter connected, you accompany her to practise the musical instrument carefully, I went to play card with the colleague in the evening.
Yes, go home each time, seem to tear the heel in anything, can't move ahead. Get the condiment down strongly now, is learning to cook the vinegar, for some time, have not seen either what toss about out. I have already had no confidence to him now, he likes can toss about anywaying. I my class at being only attentive.
The wind in winter, as sword, boring to the clothes unbelievably, Venus in the remotest places is still glittering, the quiet one hangs in the remotest places, the separation and reunion that is witnessed in this world, is witnessing the whole story of our life.
The work in the skilled favour of master worker of selling the steamed stuffed bun at the roadside is set about, the white rising outside without a break from the steamer tray of steam.
Phone blow loudly at this moment, strong to say wife, wind heavy, go home, type brand weather cold in that head.
I have thought, turn one's head and walk in the direction of the family, even if is a bunkhouse, can be during winter, it makes warm too!
Life must down, is that right? !RELATED LINKS: Picture|Computer|Computer Peripheral|Laptop Battery|Computer Accessory|Electronic Part|Computer Accessories|.
